Spaced - A Cult Classic

My friends, if you really want to know how to do a geeky sitcom right, forget all about The Big Bang Theory, and turn your attention towards Spaced; one of the greatest modern sitcoms Britain has to offer. Written by the wonderful Jessica Hynes and Simon Pegg, and directed by Edgar Wright, Spaced is a marvellously entertaining and bizarre tale of two twenty-somethings, and their small group of oddball friends that includes a military-nut; a chain-smoking, alcoholic landlady; a fashionista; and a basement dwelling artist. Oh, and a dog named Colin. Can’t forget the dog.

From Star Wars to Tomb Raider II, Hawk the Slayer to Tekken; Spaced is full to the brim with loving homages to so many franchises from the world of both pop and geek culture, which includes references to TV shows, movies, comic-books, video games, music, and various lifestyles. Viewers really get a sense of the genuine labour of love that went into making this show, and the creators' admiration of all things geeky; it’s so endearing. Horror, sci-fi, romance, this show references almost every genre, something which enables the show to provide enjoyment for so many different types of people. From the very first moment of the show we are given a reference to one of the greatest sci-fi franchises of all time – The Terminator (specifically Terminator 2: Judgement Day), and it only grows from there. Naturally, as the show is co-written by Simon Pegg, you would be crazy if you didn’t expect a good number of references to Star Wars. A recurring theme in season two is Tim’s impassioned hatred of Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; a hatred that burns so intensely he just cannot stop himself from berating a terrified child who only wanted to buy a Jar Jar Binks doll.

Offering up two amazingly well-written seasons, Spaced has managed to gain cult-classic status with fans all around the world. It is a show that can make you laugh, make you genuinely care about its group of characters; so it’s little wonder why Spaced has remained so popular with fans throughout the many years since its final episode. Yes, the characters could easily be considered odd people, but let’s be honest, how many of us can really say we’re not odd in some way? We all have our quirks, and that’s precisely why the characters in Spaced are so relatable; they get into many extraordinary situations, sure, but they’re written so damn well that they seem like people you could actually know in real life. These people are fleshed out, and not one of them could be considered a one-note character.

Pictured: Real life.

Our central set of characters include Tim, an aspiring comic-book artist (he’s extremely talented) that dreams to one day work for Dark Star Comics. At the moment he works at a comic shop called The Fantasy Bazaar, ran by his friend Bilbo Bagshot (played by the hilarious Bill Bailey). Betrayed by his girlfriend and a close friend, Tim finds himself unable to completely get over what happened, though he does manage to get a nice bit of revenge against the traitorous friend during a round of paintball. We also get to know Daisy; a budding writer that constantly finds herself lacking any motivation to actually sit down and work, instead finding anything to use as a distraction; be that cleaning the flat, getting a dog, or having a house party. These two characters meet for the very first time during the show’s opening episode while house hunting (unsuccessfully), which brings us nicely onto our next character – Marsha. Now, Marsha may just be the most tragic character on the show. Once an acclaimed athlete and hopeful contender for the Olympics, Marsha was one day struck down by a drunk driver, an incident that left her with a fractured leg and a taste for alcohol. Eventually falling behind on her training, Marsha soon lost interest in athleticism; long story short, she is now one of the loveliest landladies you could hope for. Never seen without a cig in one hand and a glass of wine in the other; Marsha’s life is the very definition of “what if?”. So, if Marsha lives upstairs, is there anybody living in the basement flat? Yes, yes there is, and that would be a man named Brian. Like Tim, Brian is an artist yet to be recognised for his work; though unlike Tim, Brian does not work on any comic-book ideas, oh no. Brian does anger, pain, fear, aggression. It’s a bit more complex than watercolours. At one point in the series, Brian begins to date Daisy’s fashionista best friend Twist (her parents were hippies) which happens to have a profound effect on his ability to create, something which leads him to make a very difficult decision. Speaking of best friends, our final central character is Mike – Tim’s best friend. Oh boy, Mike is obsessed, utterly obsessed with all things military. Unable to join the army due to a childhood accident that resulted in detached retinas, Mike instead joins the Territorial Army, something he is forced to leave after suffering some kind of breakdown that lead him to do something rather extraordinary. So, that’s the gist of our main group, but of course there is so much more to all of them than I have put across here.

The show also happens to include an amazing set of side-characters that occasionally pop up throughout the show; characters that are played by actors and comedians you will no doubt be familiar with. The first character that springs immediately to mind is Tyres. Tyres is a friend of Tim and is perpetually off his tits on a range of drugs, something which causes him to experience an uncontrollable series of mood-swings, but also grants him the ability to find a beat in the most mundane of situations, such as the phone ringing or the kettle boiling. In fact, Tyres is actually involved in one of my favourite episodes of the show – he manages to convince the gang to join him at a rave, which lead to an immensely memorable scene for the series. Seriously, it was great. As mentioned previously, Bilbo Bagshot is the proprietor of The Fantasy Bazaar, a comic-book shop where Tim works part-time. If there’s one thing you do not do in front of Bilbo, it’s insult Hawk the Slayer. Other characters involved in the show include Duane Benzie, Tim’s backstabbing ex-friend; Damien Knox, who, if you watch Game of Thrones, I am totally sure you’ll recognise; Dexter and Cromwell, and a rather uniquely bizarre conceptual artist called Vulva. These side-characters, combined with the central cast and a myriad of special guest stars, help cement Spaced as one of the funniest shows you will ever have the pleasure of watching. I dare you to watch the show and not remember at least one moment from each of these characters. Everybody throughout the entire cast manages to offer us a truly spectacular experience.

I’d be remiss if I failed to mention the exemplary work of Edgar Wright. I’m sure you’re familiar with the man and what he can do by now thanks to his involvement with the box-office hits of Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, The World’s End, and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Edgar’s outstanding directorial talents have lead to some truly beautiful shots in, not only Spaced, but each of those movies he has worked on. The man has genuine talent which deserves recognition. From the rave scene to the imaginary gun shootout, Tyres’ spaced-out dancing to the brief moment seen in the image below, Spaced is so incredibly visually pleasing.

Also a nice little Evil Dead II reference.

Oh, and speaking of Shaun of the Dead, I’m fairly certain the idea may have stemmed from one particular episode from this series.

So what actually became of the show? Well, as mentioned, Spaced only lasted for two seasons, something which left fans all around the world crying out for more. The show ended in April 2001, and at the time of writing this article we are now in 2016, and fans are still asking when a third season is due. Unfortunately, dear reader, if you are one of those fans holding out for a third season, I must be the bearer of bad news – It has been stated many times that a third season just is not on the books anymore due to the actors’ ages, and currently lifestyles. Edgar Wright recently said “Whenever we get asked about… another series of Spaced… one of the reasons we’re not going to do it is because we couldn’t possibly write it with any degree of truth now, because that’s not where we are or who we are any more. I always find it’s better to write from a perspective of truth.” So that’s it, these people have gone on to be hugely successful in their own rights, and just aren’t the same folk they were back in 1999 – 2001. Sure, it is a little sad, but what you must remember is that this show as it is right now is perfect. The epitome of a perfect sitcom in my opinion. To create a third season, especially after all this time, is to risk tarnishing that legacy. I won’t spoil how the second season ended here, but I will say that it gave each of the characters such a beautiful send off. If this is the end we see of Tim, Daisy, Marsha, Brian, Twist, and Mike, well, that’s just fine by me. End on a high.

So, dear readers, we discussed the end of Spaced, and now we must come to the end of this article. I hope you enjoyed reading about my love of Spaced, and I hope that I have instilled the desire to check out the show, or give it a rewatch if you’re already a fan. If you have seen Spaced already, let me know in the comment section below what you think of the show, what your favourite moments are; and… Oh my god! I’ve just remembered – I’ve got some fuckin’ Jaffa Cakes in my coat pocket!

Are Dwarves the Greatest Fictional Race Ever Created? Yes, Yes They Are.

They’re uncouth, unabashed, and oftentimes unruley, yet for all their faults, they are astoundingly reliable, extremely resiliant, and they are dutiful; Dwarves may just be the greatest fictional race ever to have been created thus far, and in this essay, I will explore what exactly makes the Dwarven race so captivating, so phenomenal (other than their magnificent beards, of course), and will examine a few of the media portrayals of these mountain dwelling wonders, all from a personal perspective. Let's get started.

Although first found in Germanic folklore, it isn't exactly clear on where Dwarves originated. Some sources state they were melicious sprites, others say they were nature spirates. It's not exactly clear, but what is clear is that eventually, Dwarves became known as short, ugly beings with a passion for all things smithing and mining, that lived deep inside the mountains of the Earth, as you'll find in Norse mythology. As you can tell, modern depictions have deviated a lot from the Norse. Oh wait, they totally haven't. It’s fairly obvious from that description that these creatures were the inspiration for our modern idea of what a Dwarf actually is, an idea that has be utilised in so many of the greatest fantasy tales in our history, such as The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by the father of modern fantasy – J.R.R. Tolkien, both of which I’m sure you are familiar with. If not, please go read them, it would be well worth your time. Speaking purely for myself, I find Dwarves to be one of the most fascinating and enjoyable of races in any media, and whenever I get the opportunity to play as a Dwarf in a game, I’m all for it. Yes, okay, I know, Elves are good, Tieflings are cool, and Hobbits / Halflings are outstanding (honestly, I share more characteristics with a Hobbit than I do a Dwarf), but there’s just something about Dwarves that is just so endearing to me.

First off, you only have to look at a Dwarf to understand why I think they’re so amazing. I mean, take another glance at the featured image for this article. How fantastic does he look? Absolutely amazing, that’s your answer right there. Just as their folklore counterparts, Dwarves in modern fantasy are squat, rough looking little buggers that love to pass the time mining away in the depths of their mountain homes as they hunt for precious ores, jewels, and shiny things, or smithing those precious ores, jewels, and shiny things into valuable artefacts to sell on to the other races of their world. 
As you would expect from a race like the Dwarves, their lives are not all about work, even if they do get a great deal of joy out of it, no, no – Like all of us, they must also find alternate forms of enjoyment. A Dwarf can find pleasure in many ways that have now become synonymous with the race, three of which are alcohol, food, and battle. 
Yes, Dwarves are equally at home on the battlefield as they are in their halls that flow with gems and alcohol. If you drink with a Dwarf you’re going to have a memorable time (and one hell of a hangover), and if you ever want to survive a bloody clash, you'll need a Dwarf fighting by your side. I’m fairly certain they’re mostly drunk out of their minds during a fight anyway. 
One need only glance at their range of weaponry to understand just how formidable a Dwarf really is: Warhammers, swords, battleaxes, Dwarves have mastered them all. Combining this weaponry with their expertly crafted armour, you would need balls of steel to face off against a blood thirsty Dwarf. A single Dwarf is worth a good number of we mere humans when it comes to fighting.

Of course, it isn’t all about beer, battle, and banquets – Dwarves take pride in their legendary sense of architecture, having created some of the most breathtaking kingdoms imaginable. They are often portrayed as having a very geometrical sense of style in both architecture and clothing, I think it’s fairly safe to say that Dwarven design is heavily inspired by the art-deco movement of the 1920s. If you’re looking to design Dwarven architecture or battle armour, I would highly recommend researching the art-deco movement for yourselves. I’m sure you’ll find many inspiring designs in no time at all. To get a sense of the design style, take a look at this concept art for King Thrór from the first Hobbit movie:

Notice the distinct lack of curvature.

As you have probably worked out by now, I will be mentioning Tolkien and the Dwarves of Middle-Earth quite often throughout this article; they are, after all, the origin of my fascination. I remember being so in love with the imagery that formed in my mind while I first read through the chapters of The Lord of the Rings regarding Moria, Dimrill Dale and Mirrormere. Mirrormere was beautiful; a sacred place to the Dwarves of Middle-Earth where Durin the Deathless peered into the water and saw a crown of stars above his head. Taking this as a sign, he founded the city of Kazad-dûm – a city that would one day fall into darkness and become known as Moria. The lack of Mirrormere in the film adaption of The Fellowship of the Ring was one of the greatest losses for me in regards to that film, but what can you do, eh? There’s only so much you can include in a movie. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of The Lord of the Rings, I recall a number of comments I read online a good few years ago about how the film adaption of Gimli was much more of a comic-relief character than his book counterpart; and while I can understand their frustration, I don’t really think it was that big of an issue. Film-Gimli was the comic-relief, sure, but that did nothing to diminish his role, to lessen the impact of the character on the story. and to be fair, you do need a character to make inappropriate comments every so often just to keep the mood light, and what better character to do so than a gruff, grumpy dwarf? Of course, the comic-relief can go completely in the opposite direction as well, as is the case with Bombur in Peter Jackson’ The Hobbit, a character who was essentially a walking fat joke; Bombur didn’t really have the comedic qualities that Gimli possessed, and probably won’t be remembered quite as fondly, whereas Gimli is perhaps the greatest Dwarf ever to be portrayed in a live action film.

That actually leads us nicely onto the next topic – The Hobbit. Since the initial release of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, this trilogy of films have gone on to become incredibly divisive amongst Tolkien fans, but I would be remiss if I failed to go into them in more detail, purely because of how prominently Dwarves are featured. Now, I have to say that I actually enjoyed the three films for the most part. Aye, I agree, they were not great, they were packed full of needless scenes, plotholes, and errors, and don’t even get me started on those damn Wilhelm Screams (THRAIN! A WILHELM SCREAM! Frig me), but hey, there were production issues from day one, it’s a children’s book, blah, blah, blah, so I have nothing major against them. Honestly, any time I can spend in Middle-Earth is all gravy to me. But if we could just put aside some of the shite that these films threw at us (physics defying Legolas and Alfred, for example), I think we can agree that some truly beautiful things came out of the Hobbit movies such as the outstanding architecture of Erebor. Oh man, Erebor! It’s simply marvellous, what a beautiful city, and let’s not forget the song that I'm sure gave each of us a chill when we first saw the trailer for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey – “Far Over The Misty Mountains (Cold)”. That track was woefully short in the movie, but luckily for people like me who love the song, there are some amazingly talented fans out there that are willing to put some work into creating a full rendition of the song and more; one version of which you can check out here.

Say what you will about The Hobbit movies but surely you cannot fault the portrayal of the Dwarves. Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Balin, Dwalin, Fíli, Kíli, Óin, Glóin, Ori, Nori, Dori, and of course, Thorin; each one of the Company of Thorin came with their own unique personality and backstory. That’s not forgetting Dáin, Thráin, and Thrór, three characters that also had their own healthy share of screen-time and characterisation, and equally fabulous designs. Admit it, even if you dislike this film, you can at least agree that the design of the Dwarves were great, and that the cast gave a genuinely enjoyable performance. I dare you to watch The Hobbit and not love at least one of the thirteen Dwarves. Thinking back, there was a number of people lamenting the lack of screen time for certain Dwarves (such as Bombur) in the first Hobbit movie, but have a read of the book, some Dwarves barely even get a mention throughout the entire story. Overall, I think the movies did a much better job at portraying the full company of Dwarves than the book did. Take Bifur for example – If I remember correctly he had one line in the book (if that), so I thought it was brilliant that the character had an axe embedded in his head which caused him to lose the ability to speak Westron (Middle-Earth’s English), perhaps in reference to his lack of dialogue in the book.

“Maybe I could get a hat.”

Okay, I think I’ve covered Tolkien’s Dwarves quite enough for now. Let’s talk about one of the world’s most famous MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) – World of Warcraft (WoW). I am a huge fan of this world, having spent so much time travelling throughout the various locations of Azeroth and meeting a wide range of people from all walks of life as a simple Dwarven Warrior. I am happy to just sit at my computer while playing as my Dwarf completing quests, exploring, fighting, whatever I feel like doing. At the moment, my main Dwarf looks badass, even if I do say so myself. Even before I purchased the game I knew exactly which race I would be selecting; none of the others even entered my mind, though once I got a look at some of the Horde options there was a slight temptation to go for an Orc. To be perfectly honest, on the side of the Alliance, there aren’t any races that appeal much to me other than the Dwarf, and if it wasn’t for the fact that Dwarves are an Alliance only race, I would side with the Horde so fast. Seriously, the day Blizzard introduces a playable Dwarf for the Horde, I’m there, there’s no question about it. I would love for Blizzard to work on an expansion that focused entirely on Dwarves. I would buy that shit in an instant! I would practically spend the majority of my free time working my way through that expansion.

Following the usual tropes for this particular race, the Dwarves of Azeroth are often found dwelling within various mountain homes around the country and have the love of all things mining and smithing, though as WoW allows players to select the class of character, there are innumerable Dwarf Shamans, Paladins, Rogues, Priests, etc… walking around, so many of the tropes don’t necessarily apply to each player controlled Dwarf. The capital city of IronForge is remarkably impressive; it is a place that I could happily hang around in for hours on end, and may have already done so. I can think back to when a friend of mine first convinced me to play the game and I reached IronForge, I instantly fell in love with the place. A gigantic Dwarven capital city. Awesome! I mean, c'mon. You can be sure that I explored every inch of that place! Let me tell you, Warcraft really eats up your life in general, but when I get to go around pretending to be a Dwarf? What am I going to do? Not play as a Dwarf, and actually do something productive with my life? Pffh, yeah right!

While Warcraft has become known a stereotypically ‘geeky’ pastime over the past few decades, there is one game out there that was once considered the epitome of ‘geekdom’. Yes, for over forty years now Dungeons & Dragons has entertained many a-geek and nerd from all around the world. There is no possible way for me to write about Dwarves without mentioning D&D, and for those of you unfamiliar with the game, let me give a brief explanation:
D&D allows a person to take up the persona of a myriad of different fantasy races and act out exactly how they feel their character should be. Myself, I have only played Dungeons & Dragons a handful of times in my life, but I loved it every time, and yes, unsurprisingly, I chose to be a Dwarf, because why would I ever be an Orc, a Human, or an Elf when I could be a Dwarf? There’s no choice in the matter. Being a Dwarf in D&D is incredibly good fun as you act out a character that belongs to a race that is well known for being indelicate, gruff, and as mentioned previously, the comic relief (if it suits you). It’s an excellent form of escapism if you have a good group of friends to play it with. 
The last time I played D&D I was a terrible Dwarf. I was remarkably bad at using my warhammer. I must’ve been a constantly drunk Dwarf or something; I can recollect one particular moment during a battle against a horde of Goblins when I actually managed to embed my warhammer into a tree while attempting to strike at one of the Goblin attackers. What a twat I am. Interestingly though, I managed to regain the use of the warhammer... but it still had the tree attached, so here I was swinging around my warhammer to vanquish the horde... with a fully grown tree attached to the head of the hammer. It's a beautifully bizarre game sometimes. I loved it, it was hugely entertaining, and I think that anybody that enjoys the fantasy genre should give D&D a go at least once in their lives.

These days, there are a huge number of video and board games out there that feature Dwarven characters: the Witcher trilogy, Dungeon Keeper, and Warhammer 40k just to name a few. Unfortunately, I have very little knowledge regarding the Warhammer universe, but a good number of my friends actually collect the various models that are available and play the games that can be found on Steam. For me, it’s just something that I’ve never gotten around to playing at all; but having said that, thanks to these friends of mine, I am well aware of the Dwarves from the Warhammer 40k universe and they look metal as fuck. I love the design for these Dwarves. Massive kudos to the folk that designed and developed them, you have done a terrific job. 
Oh, and something else a friend introduced me to was a game called Dwarf Fortress; it’s essentially a kingdom building and management simulation game. At first I found it very difficult to get into, as I am sure many others have, mainly due to the game’s use of text symbols in place of graphical assets; but thanks to a number of mods, I found a pleasing aesthetic to use for the game which I still enjoy to this day. Just like Warcraft, I’ve spent so many hours on this game, it’s unreal and probably slightly unhealthy. Sadly for me, I don’t believe I have ever managed to create a truly astounding kingdom so far, but I’m sure I’ll manage it some day. As long as my Dwarves are happy, right?

Anyway, my dear fellow Dwarf fanboys and fangirls, I think it may be time to wrap up this little essay of mine. or else risk entering a state of rambling (which I do oh so easily). I could happily talk about all things Dwarven for hours, so if you’d like to discuss this fine race, feel free to leave a comment below, or hey, if you have a story about a time when you have played as a Dwarf in a game, tell me about that as well. Before I sign off, I shall leave you with a wonderful little song by the good people over at YOGSCAST. 
I give you “Diggy Diggy Hole”, take care.

Brutal Legend - A Retrospective Review: The Most Metal of Games

The Metal Gods cannot save you from spoilers within this article! But fear not, I’ll try to avoid major spoilers because I want you to play this game.

You are Eddie Riggs – the greatest roadie in the business. Able to fix anything, build anything. Unfortunately, Eddie is stuck working for, perhaps, the worst metal band of all time – Kabbage Boy.

After an unfortunate accident during Kabbage Boy's latest gig, a fantastically metal situation occurs which ends up with our main character transported to a strange land – a beautiful, mysterious, world of heavy metal known as The Brutal Land. Regaining consciousness, Eddie immediately finds himself in peril as three strange, crimson robed monks advance upon him wielding ceremonial swords poised to strike.

Brutal Legend sees Eddie teaming up with a band of resistance fighters, lead by Lars and Lita Halford. Eddie learns that the resistance are fighting against the tyranny of glam-metal loving General Lionwhyte and the General’s puppet-master, the Emperor of the Tainted Coil – Doviculus.

Friendships will be forged, friendships will fail, and friends will be faced on the battlefield as fate decides that now is the time to reinvigorate an ancient, powerful force.

Over the course of this game, along with Eddie, players shall uncover the main character’s true identity, battle the forces of evil and hair-metal, and bring glory to the world of metal! Of course, one cannot expect Eddie to do all of this alone, even if he is the fabled ‘chosen one’. Featuring a legendary all star cast from the annals of rock history, the world’s greatest roadie must ally himself with the real world’s greatest rock musicians and restore harmony to the metalverse. To tantalise you good people, let’s see if you can guess who may voice the following characters: The Guardian of Metal, the Kill Master, The Baron, Rima, and last but not least – Kage the Kannonier. We’ll get onto the voice cast shortly.

I bet you can’t guess which metal legend could possibly be voicing the Kill Master.

Brutal Legend is not simply a hack and slash game. Oh no. There are other gameplay elements at hand here. For example, throughout the game, players will find relics; These relics require Eddie to perform a guitar solo in order to raise them and learn their secrets. Players will notice that these solos are very much akin to Guitar Hero’s note-matching gameplay, though they do not require as much effort as a round of Guitar Hero does, and are so much shorter. As the game advances, Eddie will learn more solos that will allow him to perform multiple feats of awe. Some solos will assist Eddie in battle, while others will simply aide in his journey across the land. Other relics may reveal unto Eddie hidden musical tracks that can be played via his car – The Deuce, offer up a number of fire tributes that are used as this game’s form of currency, or simply present him another portal to the realm of the Guardian of Metal.

As with most open world games, Brutal Legend provides players with a good number of side-missions to take part in and complete. These side-missions can range from competitive racing against a demon called Fletus, assisting Kage the Kannonier with hitting his targets, or just helping out your various headbanger associates. For the collectors out there, you are tasked with scouring the entire landscape in search for special relics that will grant Eddie additional fire tributes, as well as a number of historical monuments that reveal more about the game’s backstory – a fantastic piece of lore, in my opinion. These relics and monuments can be found all across the Brutal Land, so I hope you enjoy driving.

The journey will take Eddie through a wide range of locations that could have easily been pulled straight from the cover of a heavy metal album, such as Bladehenge, the Cleave of the Impaler, the Sea of Black Tears, Thunderhorn, the Temple of the Zaulia, and Death’s Clutch. All of which are breathtakingly beautiful in their own ways. For all the times I have played through this game, I am yet to feel bored with what I see. The scenery is truly spectacular.

I mean, who wouldn't want a giant stone sword monument?

Scattered among the main story missions are several stage battles which see Eddie defending his stage while attempting to amass fans from “fan geysers” by constructing merch booths, all while attempting to complete certain objectives before a battle can be won (such as destroying the enemy’s stage). The player, still as Eddie, will enter a real-time strategy-esque style of gameplay as they must create units and command them to follow him to a particular location, attack enemy units / their stage, or defend a certain area. As mentioned previously, Eddie has the use of a myriad of guitar solos that will be of great help when defending his own stage or destroying the enemy forces. One particular solo I recommend is the Facemelter.

There is a multiplayer element to this game, but only those of you that enjoy the aforementioned stage battles will be likely to play this often. The only real unique aspect to the multiplayer mode is the ability to play as one of the villainous factions from the main game – the Tainted Coil, or the Drowning Doom. Just as when you are playing as Ironheade, players will take control of the leader of chosen team – Doviculus for the Tainted Coil, and… someone else for the Drowning Doom (look, I don’t want to spoil the main story for you, okay?) in their attempt to overwhelm their foe(s) and bring glorious glory to their team. The multiplayer mode can be played both online against other players, or offline against computer controlled opponents set at one of the five levels of difficulty available.

As players progress throughout the main game, they unlock a number of combat units that Eddie shall utilise during the game’s Stage Battles. The Headbangers, the Razor Girls, Bouncers, Roadies, and Metal Beasts. What can I say? This game is metal as fuck, it’s amazing! But while Eddie and the forces of Ironheade have their legion of loyal supporters, so too do the Drowning Doom, Tainted Coil, and the Hair Metal Militia. Brutal Legend sees to it that you have an endless supply of monstrous creatures to slaughter in order to cleanse this most holy of unholy, badass lands.

A sexy nun, or a big ugly demon? …A big ugly sexy nun demon? You decide.

Saying that this game is a metal album cover would actually be sufficient when discussing the artistic aspects, I reckon, but as this is a review I suppose I best expand this section a little.

First off, just look at the images included in this review. How fucking awesome are they? What you are seeing here is but a fraction of the beauty offered in this game. The outstanding nature of this game’s appearance is to be expected as the world of Brutal Legend is heavily inspired by the work of Frank Frazetta (a terrific artist. I highly recommend you check out his art). Sure, there are the occasional issues with clipping through models, or models vanishing when struck rather than exploding, for example; but remember, this game was released in 2009, and considering the fine work done on the rest of the graphical aspects of this game, one could easily forgive these minor indiscretions (especially since such things also happen in today's games).

Nobody can fault the character designs presented to us in Brutal Legend. From the common headbanger, to the Ratguts of the Drowning Doom – the designs are truly inspired and do not feel out of place within this Brutal Land. I mean, some of the enemy units look truly disgusting, which is exactly what they should look like, right? So many subgenres of rock are represented throughout this game and its grand cast of characters – such as General Lionwhyte’s world of glam-metal (also known as hair-metal, which is most definitely evident when you see the his faction), the Drowning Doom’s appearance based heavily upon death metal, and the Tainted Coil, whose style is based on industrial and alternative metal subgenres ( which include more than their fair share of BDSM and gore aspects). Seriously, those of you with a weak stomach may be slightly grossed out by this game.

Finally, let’s talk about the scenery in this game. I've touched upon it very slightly already, but it is, in my opinion, astoundingly beautiful. It really is enjoyable to drive from one location to another just to explore this wondrous world – from its serene fields of green that are littered with awe inspiring sculptures and remnants of the past; and dark, gloomy dead lands littered with the fallen; to a tropical-esque jungle, with so many more unique locations that are sure to please anybody who absolutely loves album artwork. Props to the world designers, and to all of the asset artists that have worked hard on making this game so very stunning.

How awesome does this mountain of bones look? Seriously!

Okay, I won’t leave you hanging any longer; let’s get onto the cast. Naturally, the first person you’ll recognise will be Jack Black. If you couldn’t tell that was him from the featured image of this article, well, damn; but you will have surely spotted him before you actually play the game as he appears in a rather good pre-main menu intro scene (guys, I’m very fond of the labour of love that went into making Brutal Legend). As mentioned above, this game is stacked full of voice talent from the world of rock music, and joining Jack in this metalverse is the iconic Ozzy Osbourne as The Guardian of Metal; Rob Halford as General Lionwhyte and The Baron; the late, great Lemmy Kilmister as the Kill Master; Lita Ford as Rima; and Kyle Gass as Kage the Kannonier. See, what did I tell you? Epic. It won’t take fans long to notice another well known voice among this list of greats – the wonderful, talented Tim Curry adds his rather distinctive voice to the game in the role of Doviculus (who else would it be?). From the world of voice acting comes Zach Hanks as Lars Halford; Kath Soucie as Lita Halford, Jennifer Hale as Ophelia; and finally Alex Fernandez as the stage manager Magnus, all to provide voices for the integral characters in this story. I mean, c’mon now – if this cast list alone doesn’t make you want to play the game, I don’t know what would.

Brutal Legend allows those of you that find swearing offensive or distasteful to censor out those particular words, a feature that I actually quite like to be honest. I have only played the game with the censor on once, as I don’t really give a toss about hearing swears, but I must say that there is a certain enjoyment that comes from hearing those familiar bleeps. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is but it can occasionally add to the fun, don’t you think? Mostly though, I enjoy the game best when it is in its full, uncensored glory.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention one of the greatest parts of this game. The soundtrack is completely on point in Brutal Legend with each song being selected by Tim Schafer and the game’s music director Emily Ridgway. You cannot expect the game to have the list of cast members it has without making use of their music – The game boasts an impressive number of metal tracks that will have fans feeling as though they have gone to metal heaven. So many of the greats have a place within Brutal Legend‘s soundtrack, though some players may notice that a certain few iconic bands are missing – sadly, this is due to various legal, and personal reasons. All in all, however, I don’t believe you will be left disappointed with what you have in this game. It is very almost a masterpiece.

Notice that I say “very nearly a masterpiece“. Not all games are without their faults, and Brutal Legend is no exception. The factor that bums me out about this game is the fact that once you’ve completed the main storyline, there isn’t really a tremendous amount for you to do. Sure, there are a the side-missions, collectables and such, but everything seems to fly by rather quickly. I don’t know, really, I suppose that’s to be expected with every game, but I just wish there were a few more additional hidden storylines, as the side-missions don’t really follow any real narrative. I also need to mention Eddie’s inability to jump. I really dislike the inability to jump, something just feels missing to me. Other than these two nitpicks, nah, I’m all good. It’s a beast of a game.

Anyway, let’s not end on a negative. Brutal Legend will always belong in the list of my favourite games, I am yet to tire of playing it over and over again. If you’re a fan of rock or metal music, you should definitely pick up this game straight away and get on it. Hey, even if you’re not really a fan of this type of music and just enjoy Jack Black’s style of humour, check it out. You can all do a lot worse than Brutal Legend, let me tell you that.

So, there we go. I very much enjoyed writing this review, and I hope you have enjoyed reading it. Let me know in the comments if you have played this game, and if so, what you thought of it. Oh, and before you go, make sure you check out the original story trailer for the game. Cheers, everyone.

Image credits: Double Fine Productions, Electronic Arts.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story - Looking Back at a Future Classic

Not so long ago, in a galaxy very close by, is an article that contains spoilers. 

...This, this post contains spoilers, so beware.

 

So, I know it's been out for over a year now, but I felt compelled to write a post in review of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. I have to start by saying that I am such a huge fan of Rogue One, it being one of the few movies that I have actually gone to the cinema multiple times to see. It has it’s flaws, sure, but I am here to discuss the good and the bad whatever they may be. In this article, I will be discussing the film itself, as well as the most memorable moments for me as a long term Star Wars fan, and the many other aspects of the movie that cement Rogue One as a Star Wars film for the ages.

Righto, so, I reckon by now most of you will know the basic premise of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story: Some people and a droid steal the Death Star plans. There you go, the entire movie summed up in ten words. Easy. Okay, so obviously there’s a whole lot more to it than that. What this movie offers is an incredible story based around real people (meaning non-Force wielders), …and a droid, on a mission to bring freedom to a galaxy controlled by tyranny. The Empire is on the verge of a historical landmark; Within mere days, it will have completed the construction of a weapon that is capable of mass destruction of unfathomable proportions, rumoured to be powerful enough to destroy an entire planet. Using this weapon, it hopes to suppress the vast number of rebel-cells that have spawned throughout the galaxy which have now, as seen in Star Wars: Rebels, united into becoming the Alliance to Restore the Republic, A.K.A The Rebel Alliance. The Alliance’s spies have uncovered information regarding the existence of this so called planet killer and it is their duty to ensure this information reaches their leaders post-haste.

I'll admit it, when Disney first announced their plans to create an anthology series for Star Wars, I was unsure of what what to expect. Honestly, I was more than a little apprehensive. I thought "Ooh, here we go, running the franchise into the ground!". The months went by, the apprehension remained. Eventually the title was revealed unto the world as well as a brief synopsis of what the film would entail. I was intrigued, but we were all left to wonder precisely how this film would tie into A New Hope. I don’t really have that much faith in Hollywood, I have to say. Too many of my favourite franchises have been ruined, driven into the aformentioned ground, either by studio meddling, mediocre stories, shitty visuals, and so on, and I was worried that something similar was going to happen here. Then I saw the first teaser trailer. OH MY GIDDY FUCK! The hype grew and grew as each second passed. I cannot describe the excitement I felt. Still, I had my doubts about the film, naturally,. It seemed so different to the other films. There were Star Destroyers, X-Wings, Droids, and Stormtroopers, yet there were no Jedi, no lightsabers. This was a gritty war film, only set in the Star Wars universe. The trailers came and went, new information dished out every so often just to whet our appetite, and it worked. I rarely bother seeing a film on opening night, I’m not one for crowds really, but I was there in the cinema on that opening night all ready to see the next instalment in the Star Wars franchise (along with a rather amazing cup shaped like Vader’s helmet, and a Death Star popcorn bowl) with an open mind. I was not disappointed.

It's a rare opporunity to drink out of a dark lord's helmet and eat out of a planet-killer.

One thing that crops up online quite often is the view that Rogue One drags on a little too much until we reach that awe-inspiring final act. I have to sincerely disagree with this sentiment. Yes, fine, it can get a little slow, but so what? It’s not boring. Bollocks. I was intrigued by the opening scene which introduced us to the Erso family and Director Orson Krennic (at the time of writing, I am yet to read the prequel book of this movie – Star Wars: Catalyst, but I’m looking forward to reading more about these people), I was entertained by Jedha, by the scenes on Yavin IV, and by Eadu. So far, despite multiple rewatches, I am yet to become bored of Rogue One‘s story at all, but that’s not to say I’m blind to certain pacing problems, or sub-par scenes. Naturally, there are a number of scenes that I could happily watch over and over, while others, maybe not so much, but we’ll discuss the film’s issues shortly.

For the most part, characters in Star Wars are either good or bad. Rarely will you see a character in between, in that 'grey' area. Sure, we’ve had falls to the Dark Side, we’ve had redemption, but as far as I can recall, this is the first time that we have seen 'good' characters murder in cold blood. Cassian Andor, a valuable member of the Rebel Alliance: obviously a good guy, right? Well, that’s not entirely the case, is it? While Cassian is indeed one of the “good guys”, he is in no way entirely “good”. I mean, he straight up murders a guy to prevent him from capture, which would obviously risk exposing what he knew about the Alliance. Yes, I know Cassian was reluctant to do this, that he didn’t really feel he had much of a choice, but it’s still murder, c’mon. Still, having said that, he is without a doubt still one of the good guys / heroes of this film, and I think we can forgive him considering he was one of the people that helped secure the plans to the Empire’s not-so-secret weapon. What would you do in his situation? This is something I love about Rogue One. It introduces us to the fact that neither side is truly black-and-white. The Rebels can commit savage acts, just as members of the Empire do. It simply adds to the believability of this wonderfully diverse universe. Tarkin remains an incredibly cruel git though.

Tarkin, seen here about to create yet another desert planet.

Now then, it's time to talk about my favourite moments of the film. Which should I start with? Ah yes, it’s the slaughter of those Rebellion soldiers by the Dark Lord himself. Rogue One are no more, the Rebellion ships have either evacuated or have been destroyed above the planet of Scarif, and in the bowels of a defeated Alliance ship, fear has spread among the troops. A matter of utmost importance is at hand – the gathering of the technical readouts of the Death Star. Once the data has been transferred to a data-disc, their escape can begin. Unfortunately, this ship is fucked, absolutely knackered from the battle, and a door will not open. 
Ignored by the rest of the panicking crew, the trapped troops stop banging on the door as they turn to face the silent darkness. Heavy foot steps approach through the looming blackness ahead, accompanied by the iconic breathing we all know so well. A moment of silence. Suddenly, a lightsaber is ignited, and there stands Darth Vader. The terror of what they face hits the trapped soldiers hard as they unleash a barrage of laser-bolts at the Sith, to no avail. He slices, he dices, he cruelly launches a soldier up into the air and pins him against the ceiling; he passes the trooper only to strike him with a back-swing of that red blade. Holy shit, it’s so intense, my heart is racing just thinking about it. When I first saw this moment, my mouth was agape. It was exhilarating to see Vader so dangerous, so ruthless. We've never really seen Vader unleashed in this way before. This is peak Vader, and is one scene that will stick in the mind of everybody that sees the film. Incidentally, it also adds to Vader’s frustration at the beginning of A New Hope. He has chased, captured, and boarded this ship that he knows for a fact holds the Death Star plans, yet the captain and Princess Leia herself have the balls to outright lie to his face. They know he knows, and here they are denying any involvement. That’s brazen. That’s so fucking awesome. You have to applaud the guts on these two.

I couldn’t talk about the most memorable moments of Rogue One without mentioning the Hammerhead Corvette. Fuck my sides! When we first saw the Hammerhead Corvette appear on screen, both myself, and the friend I went to see the film with were ecstatic (we’re both very big fans of KotOR)! Not only do we get to see the return of these iconic starships into canon, but we actually get to see one effectively used against an Imperial Star Destroyer (arguably the greatest starship in the Star Wars universe). Seriously, hark back to when you first witnessed this moment. Did you get chills? Did your mouth droop open? I did, and mine did. I had such a huge grin on my face. What a beautifully spectacular scene. The saddest part, however, other than the destruction of two Star Destroyers, was the unfortunate demise of the Corvette as well as its crew. If you watch closely as the Star Destroyer plummets into the planetary shield, you’ll see that the Corvette is still attached to the Star Destroyer. I think that every supporter of the Rebellion should take a moment to celebrate the sacrifice made by the brave crew-members that took part in this suicide mission. True enough, Rogue One and their strikeforce were the true heroes of the Rebellion at this crucial stage in the war against the Empire, but without the sacrifice made by the crew of the Hammerhead Corvette, Rogue One’s attempt to secure the Death Star plans would’ve been in vain as they would simply not be able to transmit the plans off the planet.

Of course, Rogue One is by no means a perfect movie. It does have a number of flaws, some of which can take you out of the movie in a flash. For me, there’s the issue of the Bor Gullet. Captured by Saw Gerrera, Bodhi (Riz Ahmed) is subjected to torture by tentacle monster.

I’ve seen enough Hentai to know blah blah blah blah blah…

Right, okay, this is the first thing that bothered me. I don’t know why, but for some reason I hate seeing this kind of giant tentacle monster in Star Wars. They don’t fit into the universe in my opinion. Okay, yeah, the Sarlacc is fine, the Dianoga (that weird little squid thing that attacked Luke in the Death Star’s trash compactor (spoilers)) is fine, but Bor Gullet and those Rathtar thingies from The Force Awakens? Ehh, no. I just don’t like them. What’s worse is that this one can read minds. Maybe this is thing took me out of the movie because all I could think of was The Majestic from that one American Dad episode where Jeff is on board a starship full of Roger’s people and, yes, gets his mind read by a giant tentacle monster.

That is but one minor issue out of a few for me. A second issue I had with the film actually took place not too long after the first. As much as I loved the cameos and various references to the other films in the series, Rogue One just went one or two cameos too far for me. The cameo I’m referring to is from Star Wars: Episode VI‘s very own Dr. Evazan and Ponda Baba. During my initial viewing of Rogue One I was fine with their appearance, it brought a little smile, but upon subsequent rewatches and understanding of the movie’s time-frame, it doesn’t sit well with me. I’m not referring to the time between the ending of Rogue One and beginning of A New Hope, but specifically to the time between their brief appearance and the destruction of the holy city. Basically, as soon as Jyn bumped into them, they would’ve had to run from the area, straight onto a ship and fuck right off out of the area before the Death Star erased the city from existence. Again, nothing major, but still worth mentioning. Actually, quickly before I move on, I know a few people have an issue about the fact that at one moment they’re on Jedha, and the next they’re pissing it up in Mos Eisley on Tattooine, but that isn’t really an issue when you think about it: Firstly, we’re not exactly given the precise number of days that pass between their cameo and the ending of the movie, but more than that, we must remember that a number of days pass during the beginning of A New Hope up until their fateful encounter with a lightsaber wielding hermit. That’s actually plenty of time for them to hyperspace away from that doomed city and have a celebratory drink in a dive-bar.

Any guesses for what my third and final main issue with Rogue One was? Oh come on, you must have something. Yeaaah, you got it! The CGI in regards to two particular characters. By now, even those of you who are yet to see the film will no doubt know that both Grand Moff Tarkin and Princess Leia make rather impactful appearances in Rogue One. Now, this has been somewhat controversial among the Star Wars community and the world of Hollywood in general; the reason being the fact that Peter Cushing has been dead for almost twenty-three years at this point in time, and some people are worried that this will be the start of a new trend of resurrecting long deceased actors. Honestly, myself, I don’t really have a problem with the digital resurrection of actors / characters in situations such as Rogue One (as it is a prequel to a decades old movie) as long as it serves the story and isn’t done just for the sake of it, and, more importantly, is done with the blessing of the actor’s estate / family. In regards to Princess Leia’s cameo, this particular ethical issue didn’t exist at the time as Carrie was still with us. It’s worth noting that Disney have since stated vehemently that they will not be using CGI to continue Leia’s story past Star Wars: The Last Jedi.
Let us talk now about the quality of the CGI characters in this film. To myself, and many others, the CGI simply feels a little jarring. Don’t get me wrong, The CGI is amazing for what it is, absolutely outstanding, but it just does not hit the mark for some reason. There’s something a little off with it, and I cannot tell exactly what it is. It could be the lighting (it’s difficult to get lighting correct), or it could even be the eyes. I do not know. Anyway, so aside from the ethics of using Tarkin and Leia in this film, the quality of the CGI has also been a major talking point for the people that have seen Rogue One. Remember all of that bollocks about that damn dress and if it was black / blue or white / gold? Well, the debates regarding Tarkin and Leia have been in a similar vein, with some people stating that Tarkin looked completely real, while Leia looked fake, and vice-versa. To me, both looked fake (though Tarkin did look arguably more realistic than Leia did. Truthfully, I don’t even think they went with a great soundalike for Tarkin either, but hey, what can you do? You have to work with what you have, and despite the fact I could tell these two characters were CGI, I fully appreciate the effort put into recreating both Peter Cushing and a younger Carrie Fisher by the team. Seriously, kudos to you all.

If her face was the correct length, this could’ve been unnoticeable as CGI, I think they maybe made it slightly too long.

In my humble opinion, the pros massively outweigh the relatively minor issues I have with Rogue One, and all in all, Gareth Edwards and the team behind it should be commended, for they have delivered us one outstanding Star Wars movie. It may actually be my favourite of the whole franchise.

Before we wrap up, I need to discuss both the visuals and the soundtrack. Frig me! The cinematography in this film is on point. There are countless shots from this film that I would love to use as a desktop background! The Death Star firing upon Jedha, the Star Destroyers, the Hammerhead Corvette, Vader’s pre-slicey-dicey stance, and soooooo many other moments, they’re genuinely beautiful. It’s impossible to view this movie and not find at least one shot you like. In terms of the score, I think Michael Giacchino did a stellar job, especially when you consider the ridiculously short amount of time he had to write the music for this film. The man was only given four and a half weeks! Still, this is the genius behind LOST’s soundtrack, so it’s not really all that surprising that he knocked it out the park. There are a number of tracks that I enjoy from the soundtrack, but I have listened to none more than “Your Father Would be Proud of You”. It’s the track that plays during the final moments on Scarif as Jyn and Cassian are atomised. As soon as it was available to buy, it went straight into my music library, it's a truly beauiful piece.

Anyway, that just about wraps this post up. It’s a bloody long one, isn’t it? Trust me, it could’ve been way longer, I can get overly passionate about the things I like. I never even talked about how fucking amazing the battle over Scarif was (absolutely fucking amazing, if you must know), or Mads Mikkelsen’s role in the film. There’s just so much to discuss with Rogue One, but a limit on how much you can write for a post, and I could easily go on and on. But hey, if you want to discuss Rogue One some more, feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to know your thoughts. Until next time, dear readers, you take care.